welcome back ana

I am a filthy nasty person. How I lost sight of the big picture agaim is beyond me but I have. Why must I do this shit... so much easier to try to aintain. What an idiot. Today I have had 20 calories so far and it is 11am. Rockstar energy drink saves my life ...Today_ I get cutters - so much pain and frustration (over nothing really) and no outlet. My only control .... The onl thing I have control over is not putting food in my mouth and dragging something sharp over my skin to cause pain. If I feel PHYSICAL PAIN even for a second I don't feel as much emotional pain during that moment. It's a distraction. I'm crawling out of my skin. Going crazy. Want to peel my fat off DON'T TELL ME I LOOK HEALTHY! That means fat. Thanks to a new phone I can have proana and thinspo with me 247. Lunch time is now consumed with it. I think I can back on track.